Quick answer
Use simple words for what you notice: “Your hands are tight and your voice is loud. You might be angry.” Pause for the child to respond, accept the feeling and keep a clear limit on unsafe behaviour.
Keep the conversation simple
- Notice: describe the face, body or situation without judgement.
- Name carefully: say “You might feel…” rather than insisting you know.
- Accept: make room for the feeling without approving unsafe actions.
- Limit: say “It is okay to be angry; I will not let you hit.”
- Support: offer a calm next step such as space, closeness, water or slow breathing.
- Practise later: use books, pictures and pretend play when everyone is calm.
Useful phrases
| Instead of | Try |
|---|---|
| “Stop crying.” | “You are upset. I am here.” |
| “There is nothing to worry about.” | “That feels worrying. Let’s work out the next step.” |
| “Use your words.” | “You can tell me, point or show me.” |
Limits and support
Emotion language is not a way to talk a child out of distress. During intense upset, reduce words and focus on safety and co-regulation. Seek advice from an educator, GP or relevant professional if emotions are regularly overwhelming, unsafe, persistent or limiting participation.
Related resources
Frequently asked questions
Should anger be stopped?
Accept the feeling while limiting unsafe behaviour.
What if my child has no words?
Offer pictures, pointing or two simple possibilities.
When should we seek help?
Ask for individual support when distress is frequent, intense, unsafe or limits daily life.
